Coinciding with the structural upheaval in my life, I have been reading philosophers. Not in any attempt to find meaning, it was coincidental, but ultimately not inconsequential. One thing that all wisdom, contemporary or ancient, tends to agree on is that the overwhelming majority will choose comfort over truth. If you cannot distance yourself from truth, others will distance themselves from you.

It has been said, "if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." If you scream into the abyss, can anything other than an echo come back? "He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby becomes a monster." In a similar sense, as I struggle to be understood, am I losing the ability to understand others?

Sisyphus had the impossible task of pushing the boulder up a hill for eternity. I similarly tried to be heard and understood.

"... it never really leaves my mind. I have not been waiting for inspiration, I have been searching for understanding."

"I am not sure to what extent I actually have control over the way my brain fixates and dissects things. Nature versus nurture."

What are reasonable expectations for invisible disabilities? Specifically, I am asking to consider what are reasonable expectations of other

It is not a coincidence that philosophers are synonymous with depression

Would it make any difference if I did understand? I don't think I'll ever understand, so I also won't get to know if it mattered or not.